Beginning…

Standing here on the edge…
I hold tight to what is tangible…
Finding safety on the surface…
Still… longing and uncertainty make my head, my heart, and my soul spin…

In a moment of weakness I loose my grip…
And I fall….
I begin to sink…
Below the blindness of my memories…
Below the blindness of my wounds…

Below my shame…
Below my blame…
Below my protective walls…
Below my need to be right….

Below my need to be desired…
My need to be affirmed…
And my desperate need to be loved…

Sinking deeper….
Below my losses of love….
My loss of hope…
Below the double edged swords of rejection and betrayal….

Even below my experiences of love and joy…
I sink…
Now deep below the lies I’ve believed and told…

Below my judgement of church…
Below the judgement of my family….
Below the judgement of my community…

Below the judgments of my body, mind and spirit…
Below the judgments of my worth…

Below my reactivity…
My Plans…
My Hopes..
My dreams…

Below the things that draw me…
And those things that repulse me…

Below the urgency of all time…
Below anticipation…
Below creating…
Below manipulations…
Below fear…

Sinking deeper and deeper…
Till the noises of life subside…
Here the warm comfort of darkness surrounds me in the womb of the earth…
Here I begin to feel the quaking stillness deep within… and the echoes of life all around!!!

As I feel my way…
The first rays of dawn gently illuminate my soul….
And at last…
I am beginning to see…

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