When God Shows UP…

What is that???

That pit in bottom of my stomach…. the wonder of watching these people in this coffee shop… the anxiety of coming together and sharing a little bit of myself with another….

What is that???

How easy it is to forgive and forget as I sink into the familiar embrace of our friendship….

What is that???

The anguish of hearing of another’s loss and grief… the fear of being rejected by a dearly beloved… the wall of strength I choose to surround myself with…

What is that????

The ease of a morning sitting in the sun… the exhilaration of riding my bike over the top of a mountain… the rich satisfaction of tending my garden…. of harvesting fresh vegetables…

What is that???

When I dismiss another’s truth… when I casually answer your life questions…. when I convince myself and others that what is, really is not…. why can’t it be ugly??? why can’t it be impossible??? why can’t this be the end???

What is that???

A tender moment with my daughter…. laughing with an old cherished friend… asking a neighbour for help…. sharing a glance and a smile with a stranger…

What is that???

Repulsion flows through my body as hate rises…. hope diminishes… and faith endures….

What is that????

When the crack of my knees and the stiffness of my legs show me that I am powerless and afraid… they whisper of what is still to come… the end… the unknown… I wonder at the futility of life…

What is that???

Is it possible, that the very fibres of my life are divine??? Could it be that this airy fairy persona I have known as God is so much more then all I have created and henceforth rejected??? Is it possible that God is actually concrete and shows up in my life… in my heart… in my actions… every single day…. might this be worth considering… might it even be worth engaging… this something that keeps pressing… keeps meeting me right here in this moment… hhhmmm… I wonder what would change if I did???

Even if I cannot believe in the God of my creation… what kind of a fool would I be not to believe in the God who shows up in my life every day???

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